


Beyond the Ashes

by umgirl2000



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-12 22:46:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5683822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/umgirl2000/pseuds/umgirl2000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A contemplative Edith writes a journal entry.... takes place during 6x09</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> An expermentive one-shot.... I have to admit, I haven't watched all of Downton Abbey... I know the history and the characters, but haven't been interested in rewatching it. Through tumblr, the wikia and other sites, I have gathered my own opinions... and just know, I am writing this as a huge "Bedith" fan......

Lady Edith Crawley settled into her bed and pulled out her journal- her true companion. Ever since the fire had destroyed her previous ones, this one had become one of her most prized possessions It was where so many thoughts were written down, so many changes, so many dreams and heartbreak. But tonight, it would be a happy, joyful and full of love entry. On her left hand she now wore the ring given to her by her fiancee Bertie Pelham. She couldn't wait until the next time she saw him again...

  
_As I sit here, I find myself in a contemplative mood. As I look back over time, I find the journey I am on has only just begun. I am not the same woman that I was when the Titanic sank.... I now know more who I was meant to be, and I am content. I finally grew up and grew out of Mary's shadow and to some extent, even Sybil's._

  
_I wonder if I had met Bertie back then if I would have given him the time of day, and the answer unfortunately would have been no. I was too selfish to give him the light of day. I had my eyes set on outdoing my sisters, and I was ready to do whatever it took. While Sir Anthony broke my heart at the altar, I can understand now why he did it. When he left me, he forced me to grow up. While I may have been content to be his nursemaid the rest of my life, I never would have found my purpose. So, he left me and forced me to look inside and embrace the writer I had always been but was hidden inside trying to find a man..._  
_Being a writer was a dream come true, and it led me to Michael. Michael allowed me to grow up in front of him. When I was with him, I was a better person... but his being married always held us back. I gave my heart and soul to him, and it broke me when he died.... but he left me the thing that caused me to grow even stronger... Marigold._

  
_Marigold can never be called a mistake... she's a lovely gift. I was given her when I needed her the most. When I became her mother, I became a better person. Through the trials and tribulations of the Drewes, I continued to grow up. I found myself standing on my own two feet for the first time.... and owning up to my mistakes. The night before I met Bertie, Papa told me he knew that Marigold was my daughter... and I needed his forgiveness and love..... in order for me to accept the love of another man._

  
_Bertie was and always has been wonderful to me. He gave me the time of day and listened to my questions. When I met him at Brancaster, there was an ease of conversation. The old Edith would have looked down on him, but I found myself looking at him through the eyes of someone else who had been misunderstood. Nobody gave us the time of day, and everyone felt sorry for us... and that brought us together..._

  
_When we remet in London, he became a champion. He didn't have to help me put out the paper, he chose too... and he grew in my eyes. He no longer was the agent, he was becoming something more... Our first kiss only solidified it.... and the fact that he could love me... just as I was... completely mystified me. How could a man as wonderful as Bertie love me just as I was?_

  
_Of course, I nearly ended it when I never told him about Marigold... I admit, I had many chances, but I didn't... Each time, I was afraid this sense of happiness would be shattered... that I didn't deserve a man as wonderful as him.... and then my world came toppling down. He became the Marquess, and it scared me... his description of his mother nearly sent me running... and I couldn't find my voice... and Mary did the awful deed of telling him... and he left... and while I blamed Mary... I could also blame myself._

  
_The month without him made me pick myself back up. I wasn't the weak woman I was after Sir Anthony... I wasn't in grief as I was with the death of Michael.... I was a strong woman who knew herself. I had a plan for my life and I would live it. Even if I was a spinster, I would live my life and be me... but, in my heart, I knew if I was ever given another chance with any other man I would be upfront and honest about Marigold.... losing Bertie taught me that much..._

  
_When I saw him at the Ritz, I was taken aback... at first, I put up a shell to protect myself and then I saw his heart break. He truly was broken at the thought of losing me... It's one of the things I love the most about Bertie... he's not afraid to show his emotions... and instead of making him weak in my eyes, it only makes him stronger for he believes in himself enough to be honest._

  
_After the conversation with Papa at Brancaster, I knew I had to tell the truth. I wasn't waiting on his approval, per se, but I realized that now was the time to be honest. If I lost Bertie because of this, so be it. I couldn't imagine living at Brancaster in a lie... and if I hadn't told Mother Pelham, I would have been... so, I did... and I was prepared once more for heartbreak, for disapproval... and instead, I received mercy and grace. When I heard what Mother Pelham had said about me, I realized I had made the right decision... and this decision wouldn't come back to haunt me..._

  
_And now, with this ring on my finger, I can begin to plan the wedding of my dreams. It won't be rushed in the planning... each thing will be perfect. I must take the time, this time, to reflect on it... and remember, that while I may be the center of attention, the world doesn't revolve around me. I did that the last time I was to be the bride, and I became unbearable. Even if Mary announces she's pregnant and steals my thunder the day of the wedding, I won't care.... for all that matters is that by the end of the day I will be the wife of the man I love, Bertie._

  
_Bertie... may I always remember how I met you, how I love you, how you became my champion, my hero, my comfort, my companion, my best friend... How I hope and pray that Marigold finds you to be the father I couldn't have imagined for her when her own father died... may we have a son that grows up like his father and treats his future bride like a princess._

  
_From the ashes of that fire, I have risen... I am stronger, refined and myself. I am ready to grow as I go forward with Bertie by my side..._

  
With that last line, Edith closed her diary and went to sleep dreaming of the day she would walk down to meet her prince at the altar....


	2. Chapter 2: September- Edith's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After ending "A Moment to Remember", I found myself imagining journal entries to pass the time between the engagement dinner and the wedding in December... this is the result...

**September 20th**

I visited Grandmama today and told her the news about me and Bertie. She seemed suitably impressed when she saw my ring. Thinking about her makes me remember when Bertie met her for the first time. She tried to barge past him to get in the house the day of the open house, and he tried to stop her. Her quick admonishment almost sent him hiding he told me later! Tom helped save the day by letting him know he wasn't the first or wouldn't be the last to cross her...

Anyways, Grandmama told me that Isobel is marrying Lord Merton soon- probably within the next two weeks. Immediately, my heart raced for it would be another chance to see Bertie again. Grandmama must have read my thoughts for she said that she would love to be properly reintroduced to my fiancee. I told her I would invite him down and he would be at the dinner the night before the wedding. She seemed quite satisfied with the plan.

Laura called me today and let me know the engagement announcement has been run in the local papers. She said that the American papers might be interested in picking it up since Bertie is a Marquess and a millionaire. It's quite strange, still, to think that the sweet agent I met less than a year ago is now one of the most important men in England. He hasn't let it go to his head, yet... for he remains one of the sweetest, most humble men I know.

I told Laura that I would be in London sometime in the next week or so. I have a wedding to plan, and the dress is one of the things I have to find and soon! The Hexhams have no proper tiara to wear at weddings, so I can pick among the headpieces. I have already told Mother I don't wish to wear the Crawley piece again... I wore it once and that was enough.

When I think now of wedding dresses, I know I want something that can easily be taken from glorious to simple for the reception. I want the full train and veil for the wedding, but I don't want to have to deal with it for the reception. The last wedding dress I wore would have been a bear to wear to the reception, I realize now.

Plans for my life in Brancaster are beginning to take shape. Aunt Rosamunde has found a home in London for Chloe to begin her in-depth training to be a ladies maid. She may have been new to the job, but her instincts and abilities have me believing I will have no reason not to offer it to her in January. Mother Pelham has asked if she can oversee the nursery at Brancaster as our wedding present, and I agreed. She did a wonderful job doing her apartment, and the nursery hasn't been needed for the last thirty years... I can only imagine how she and Marigold will be around each other.

**September 25th**

Mother, Mary, Rosamunde Laura and I have just returned from looking for wedding dresses. I invited Laura because I trust her fashion sense, and she is covering it for "The Sketch"... I only agreed because she said our readers would love the idea of following along as a modern woman gets ready to marry. The only stipulation that I made was no mention of Marigold in any shape or fashion- if only for her protection.

Wedding dress shopping in London was so different this time. Last time, I barely had time to have anything made. This time, the timeline is still close, but it is possible to have something made. When I walked into the shop, I was met by the designer Jeanne Levin... I could barely believe my luck. She is the epitomy of style, and she will do my wedding dress for me. She measured me and then listened as I explained my idea about simplfying the dress for the reception. I brought along the two headpieces I had chosen and she choose the one to use with the veil. Her idea was astoundingly simple- there would be a train attached at the back of my shoulders by small buttons. Once I arrived at the reception, all the ladies maid would have to do is remove it. The veil is to be cathedral length, complete with a piece to pull over my face. I chose the fabric for it- white satin and covered with lace. I can hardly wait to see it finished. She promised me it would be done with plenty of time for me to try it on and make adjustments.

Speaking of Mary, things between us have cooled. After she revealed the truth about Marigold to Bertie, we had that terrible row. And, looking back now, it was what we needed. For now, we can treat each other like sisters. I may have made the first initial step returning for her wedding, and she returned the favor by bringing Bertie back t me. Today, she let me be in the spotlight, and didn't try to take it away. With Henry, she is more content in life and she doesn't lash out as much... and for that, I'm grateful.


	3. Chapter 3: September Surprises

September 21st

Edith has not been gone long, and I miss her already. I find myself counting the days until I see her again. It was quite a lovely surprise when she called me and invited me to Downton for the wedding of Isobel Crawley to Lord Merton. It's to be a small wedding, she said, since it's their second, but she was able to invite me. She did warn me the Dowager was coming to the dinner the night before... and I admit I'm terrified at the prospect. I've only met her once, and I didn't exactly get off on the right foot with her!

Edith is quick to assure me that things will go better for me this time, and I know they will for she will be by my side. I have already put my foot down and told Mother that I am not going to be on parade every evening until close to the wedding. She didn't seem to grasp that without Edith by my side, I'm still the bashful agent that doesn't care for formal dinners and entertaining. I only survived our engagement dinner since I knew she was by my side.

Wedding plans are in Edith's capable hands. She assured me that she could handle them. She reminded me that until I find another agent, I am still pulling double duty. And she's right about that, I still find myself handling things that I did as an agent. I told her that until it becomes impossible for me to do both, I would love to continue doing the agent's job. She looked at me slightly perplexed until I explained that it reminded me of who I truly was...

That's the one thing that I don't want to do ... become a different man as Marquess. Many of the men I served with in the army became different men when they inherited titles. I was simply forgotten by them... never receiving a wedding invitation, a letter inviting me to visit, or even a phone call. Now, many of those men are trying to get back in touch with me now that have heard my status has changed... and it is wrong... at least to me. Daniel is one of the few who didn't abandon me when I became an agent, and he will be my supporter at the wedding. I did have to promise him that he will get to meet Edith before the wedding!

September 24th

Edith doesn't know it yet, but I am going to surprise her in London tomorrow. It is purely coincidental, this visit, because the real estate agent told me that he needed to meet with me in person on the 25th. It seems he has several offers on the London house and he wants to go over them with me. If it sells this quickly, I will be greatly relieved. It is one less thing to worry about in the coming months.

I know Edith is going to be in London because we talked on the phone yesterday. We have made it a point to call each other at least every other day, and it has helped pass the loneliness. Edith mentioned she was heading there to look for a wedding dress and staying at her aunt's. She told me that the engagement announcement may spread as far as America- which greatly surprised me! It seems America is interested in hearing about the rich and royal over here in England...

The only problem with the London house selling this quickly is that it leaves me with no place to stay when I'm in town. It wouldn't be proper for me to stay at Edith's flat. I may ask my real estate agent about a solution to the problem. I must also find a way to get anything of importance up to Brancaster. The jewelry can travel back with me... but the rest, I may have to designate someone.

I must pack and get ready for the long train ride. Even though I am now Marquess, it still takes forever and a day to travel to London! I know one thing I will have to do is make a firm list of things that must be accomplished... and begin to get them checked off. The last thing I want to do is be stressed about some trivial matter to close to the wedding!

September 25th

Edith Crawley was exhilarated. The finding of her dress had been a dream, almost easy, as if everything was falling in place. The ladies hadn't made any formal plans for dinner- it had been decided to have it at Rosamund's home and to be a relaxing event. It was only after she arrived home that Edith was given a note by the butler. It read:

"Cafe De Paris has an opening tonight with your name written on it. Be dressed and ready to be picked up by 7. I will see you then... Bertie"

With a smile of glee, Edith told the ladies of the change in plans. She had no idea he was in London, so this was a wonderful surprise. She quickly got changed and was waiting for him when he arrived. With a wave goodbye, the two walked with her hand tucked tenderly into his arm.

"How wonderful it is to see you so soon," Edith said as soon as they were in the car. Bertie smiled at her and kissed her tenderly.

"After I talked to you, I received a call from my real estate agent. In a month, the London home will be no longer be owned by my family..." Bertie said. "I had to come down here to see if I wanted to accept the offer, and sign the official papers."

"I wondered..." Edith said softly. "Did the house sell well?"

"Better than I imagined, actually," Bertie said with a smile. "The money was quite sufficient, and should take care of a good part of the death taxes."

By then, the driver had pulled up in front of the Cafe De Paris. Bertie was happy and proud to once again escort Edith into the restaurant. Once seated, the two enjoyed endless conversation about how things were going with the plans revolving their new life.

"Chloe came down with me as well," Bertie said. "She's staying at the house tonight, and I will bring her to your aunt's in the morning."

"That sounds fine," Edith said. "How did she seem?"

"Excited, nervous... I highly doubt she's ever been this far from her home before," Bertie mused. "Her father has worked at Brancaster for as long as I can remember."

"Oh, that reminds me..." Edith said excitedly. "Mr. Kirk has given me the rest of the pictures from our photo shoot. They are back at my aunt's if you want to have any of them."

"I would gladly take a few. I can think of a few places that I would love to have your picture," Bertie said- already picturing his desk with one and in the master bedroom.

"Would you care to dance, my love?" Bertie asked as the music changed once again. When Edith smiled in response, Bertie swept her onto the dance floor. He wasn't really much of a dancer, but dancing with Edith was always worth it. He also couldn't help but noticing the men watching Edith. As they moved, he noticed their expressions start to turn sour when the light glinted off the diamond on her finger. She was his now, and the diamond helped to let the world know. Edith didn't even notice- her mind was focused on the man she was dancing with- and enjoying each and every moment.

Much later that evening, Bertie dropped Edith off at her aunt's. The two of them kissed gently and parted with a simple "I love you." He would bring Chloe by in the morning, and return to Brancaster. This visit would have to be short and sweet, since he had business to take care of before he could attend the wedding with Edith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Journal entries will be my primary form of writing... with the occasional visit added... and the visits will focus on their time spent together....


End file.
